The Gryffindor Cheerleaders
by InkImperfect
Summary: 5 part story. Cheerleaders for QUIDDITCH? HarryBewildered, HermioneFurious, ParvatiLavenderCheerleaderiffic, Seamus...STRAIGHT?
1. Did Ron just say defeat cake?

**Part One: In which Harry can't believe Ron just said "defeat cake."**

Disclaimer: Characters belong to JKR, don't sue me, pleaseokthanks.

* * *

The atmosphere in the Great Hall was peaceful as the students finished the remains of the Welcome Feast, and sleepy eyes and grins appeared as they sank into a well-fed stupor. The gentle murmuring was broken, however, when Madam Hooch stood and banged her golden goblet with a spoon.

"She's never made a speech at the welcome feast! I wonder what she wants?" Ron whispered to Harry.

"Shush." Harry didn't want to miss anything related to Quidditch, and Madam Hooch was beginning to speak.

"Harry, have you ever wondered if Madam Hooch lives up to her name" Ron asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

"Ron. Shut it!"

He tried to focus on Madam Hooch, but what Ron had said was now biting at the edges of his mind. Damn. He hated when Ron said things like that. Now he would never be able to look at Madam Hooch without wondering…

He must have looked slightly sick, because Hermione poked him in the side with suprising force. He looked up just in time to hear the end of her speech.

"—So all of those interested in trying out to be cheerleader for your house Quidditch team, please contact your head of house." Madame Hooch sat down amid a curious buzzing that had started at her words.

"Cheerleaders?" asked Hermione angrily, and her hair seemed to grow larger and crackle with electricity. She glared at Harry and Ron as though it were their fault.

"Cheerleaders," agreed Ron with a languid grin. Hermione glanced at him quickly, and her mouth set into a hard line to rival Professor McGonagall's.

"I just don't understand the point," said Harry, bewildered.

Ron stared at Harry in disbelief. "Please tell me that you're not complaining about a bunch of scantily clad chicks cheering us on as we serve the Slytherins a tasteful piece of defeat cake."

"Ron, did you just say 'defeat cake'?"

"Stop changing the subject."

"Ok, fine. To be truthful, I just don't feel that Quidditch Cheerleaders are going to … improve the performances of the guys on our team."

Ron grinned cheekily. "Exactly what kind of performance are you referring to?"

Harry groaned. This was going to be an interesting season. That is, if, by interesting, he meant "downright disastrous for the testosterone-filled male players of the Gryffindor Quidditch team."


	2. Like a leprechaun, but not small

**Part Two: In which Seamus may be from the land of the leprechauns, but isn't "small."**

See part one for disclaimer.

* * *

When Ron came down to breakfast several days later, he was almost bent double for laughing. He managed to stagger up to the Gryffindor table, and collapsed on the seat opposite Harry.

"What's made you so happy?" asked Harry suspiciously. "I mean, I know you're really happy about the cheerleaders and all, but –"

"It's not the cheerleaders," Ron gasped, clutching his side. "Well, actually, it kind of is, look, this was sticking out of Hermione's bag and I just couldn't help myself…" He held out a piece of parchment to Harry,

Harry was reluctant to take it. "Dunno mate, no offense but I don't want to be associated with you after you've just nicked something from Hermione."

"Just read it!" said Ron, wiping his streaming eyes.

Feeling as though life had recently taken many odd turns, Harry scanned the paper in his hand.

_This is a transcript of the official interview with Seamus Finnigan of Gryffindor, conducted by Hermione Granger of Gryffindor, editor of Hogwart's newspaper, The Four Corners._

**_Hermione H: First of all, we of The Four Corners would like to thank you, Seamus, for allowing us to conduct this interview. Do you mind if I call you Seamus?_**

_Seamus: Um, duh, Hermione, that's my name._

**_H: Pretend I'm not Hermione._**

_S: Who should I pretend you are, then?_

**_H: No one, nevermind. Forget it._**

_S: No, go on. It might make it easier. I can practice my acting skills!_

**_H: Seamus, you don't act._**

_S: Ouch, Hermione. You're killing my dreams here._

**_H: Don't refer to me as Hermione! I'm trying to make this official!_**

_S: Listen, if I can't call you Hermione, you can't call me Seamus!_

**_H: What should I call you then?_**

_S: His royal highness and excellency, Seamus the Great._

**_H: This is ridiculous._**

_S: Do you want to interview me about the Quidditch cheerleaders or not?_

**_H: I didn't really want to, no. But my co-editors seemed to want your opinion._**

_S: I 'spect they like me, then. Who are they?_

**_H: If you don't know already, I'm not telling you._**

_S: If you want me to tell you who likes YOU then I think you should be a little nicer to me._

**_H: That's blackmail._**

_S: Nah, it's just really smart._

**_H: What does this have to do with Quidditch?_**

_S: Absolutely nothing._

**_H: Do you MIND if I ask you a question pertaining to the subject at hand?_**

_S: Pshh, don't act like I'm the one getting off-subject._

**_H: Seamus, you ARE the one getting off subject!_**

_S: Ahem. I believe that would be his royal highness and excellency, Seamus the Great._

**_H: Oh, shut up. Seamus, how do you feel about the new institution of Quidditch cheerleaders?_**

_S: I think it's bloody fantastic._

**_H: God. Thank you. That's all I wanted to know._**

_S: You're quite welcome._

**_H: Do you have anthing else you'd like to say?_**

_S: Sure. Ladies, I am currently single and looking. And I may be from the land of the Leprechauns, but trust me: I'm not small!_

**_H: You are hopeless._**

_/End Transcript._

_This has been an official interview with Seamus Finnigan of Gryffindor, conducted by Hermione Granger of Gryffindor, editor of Hogwart's newspaper, The Four Corners._

"She can't honestly be thinking of publishing this?" said Harry in disbelief.

"Nah, I'm sure she's not going to…"Ron paused and smiled vindictively. "But I am."

* * *


End file.
